My mom thinks I'm cool!

Friday night. Everyone's drunk except for me. For some strange reason, everyone thinks I'm the coolest bus driver out there. Why? Beats me. Maybe because I'm so laid back?

Some guys get on the bus and start taking off their clothes. One guy tells his friends to cool it or they'll get kicked off the bus. I get on the intercom and say "It's okay, you guys can strip just so long as you keep your skivies on." Then one guy comes up to me and remarks "You're really attractive, just not right now." OUCH! And I thought that drunk guys thought that every chick was hot?

I get to the point where I have a full standing load; I couldn't cram anyone else on even if I had a cattle prod. I make an announcement: "Squish in. Get close to someone you don't know. We're going for a new Guinness record. How many people can we fit in bus."

On my last trip (where I only go downtown and then back to the depot instead of out into the boonies), I make another announcement. "Can I have everyone's attention please? In case you didn't read the sign, this bus only goes downtown. If you need to get elsewhere, you're going to have to transfer buses. Let me know where you want to be and I'll direct you in the right direction. Now if anyone is drunk or has drank at least one drink, please remain seated at ALL times. If you stand up, you will fall and then I'll have to fill out paperwork and I really hate paperwork. So do me a favour, and keep your butt in the seat. If you're so intoxicated that you feel that you're going to puke, let me know BEFORE it happens and I will pull the bus over immediately and let you toss your biscuits. I'll even pull over in the middle of the bridge, that's how much I don't want you to puke on my bus. If anyone is asleep, you need to wake up now. This bus goes downtown and then back to the depot and if you wake up at the depot, it's not my fault and you're S.O.L. Thank you for your understanding and patience. Have a wonderful evening!"

I got a standing ovation for that announcement. I guess most drivers aren't so upfront about stuff? Or people are just drunk and thought I was trying to be funny? Either way, I didn't have any pukers or sleepers and everyone thought I was awesometastic! YEAH ME!!!