Guy #1: Can you imagine the driver without a shirt?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. I'd love to see her firm, little boobies.
Me: You do realise I can hear you right?
Dead silence.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Merry fuckin' Christmas to you too!
Christmas time; a time for joy, a time for giving, a time for family and friends, a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus (even though he was actually born in the spring but the date was changed so that it coincided with the pagan holiday but that's another tangent and I'm not going to get into it here). I've been noticing over the last week that instead of becoming more joyous, festive and giving as the season approaches, people are becoming more and more miserable. May I suggest a Christmas anger management program?
Candidate #1
The bus was turning left and turned in front of a woman on the OTHER SIDE of the crosswalk. It was the bus I was picking up, so I got in and started adjusting the seat while talking to the driver I was relieving. The woman (that was in the crosswalk) came up to the bus and started yelling and screaming, claiming that pedestrians have the right of way and as bus drivers we should know that! The other driver calmly told her that she was no where near hitting her and once you start a turn in a trolley you have to complete it or else you'll get stuck on an insulator and will have to pull your poles. The woman kept ranting and raving about how she just about got killed by the bus and she was going to complain, blah, blah, blah. The other driver just walks away, leaving me to deal with her. So I say, I'm sorry about that but have a merry Christmas. You know what she said? FUCK YOU!
Candidate #2
A man puts his $2.50 into the fare box and the tickets end up jamming. So I tell him, that I'm sorry but I can't give him a transfer as the fare box is now out of service. He reams me out like nobody's mother, saying that he has to get onto the train and he needs a ticket and it's all my fault and I'm doing this on purpose, blah, blah, blah. I ended up writing him a note on a piece of newspaper saying my fare box was broken but he had paid and this was my bus number and seniority number. I told him that if he had any problems to use the note and even if he gets a ticket he can call the depot in the morning and I'll vouch for him. "Fuck you, as if they're going to believe me? I could have written a note myself. Bitch!" he kindly tells me.
Candidate #3
I pass by a stop that no one has rung the bell for and no one is waiting at when this woman starts screaming that I've missed her stop. Because I'm nice, I stop just past the stop and kindly tell her that she hadn't rung the bell. "Well you're supposed to be stopping at every stop, so I don't need to ring the bell" she says. "Just so you know for next time, we don't stop unless someone has rung the bell or there are people waiting" I explain. "Bitch" she replies. At the next stop a man comes up to the front of the bus and tells me I'm out of sync. "Sorry?" I reply. "Well, you missed that poor woman's stop and you're fare box is "apparently" (yes he did the air quotes) broken. You must be new. You'd better step up your game. If I were your boss I'd fire your ass in a heartbeat" he says. I wisely chose not to reply.
Candidate #4
I pull into a stop, let everyone off and load up everyone. I start pulling away when the light turns red, so I stop. I was looking at the lights when suddenly I hear "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me lady! You won't even let me on the bus." I look over and I see a man about to walk away. I open the doors and say "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, if you had just knocked on the door, I would have let you in". "Like hell you would have! Fuckin' dyke drivers on power trips, you think you can just do whatever the fuck you want? You're worse than female cops!" he replies. Once again, I wisely chose not to reply.
Candidate #5
A guy about my age gets on the bus and states "You're the fuckin' ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire life, why don't they hire hot drivers?"
Candidate #6
A police car had pulled someone over in the bus stop so I had no choice but to unload people onto the street. This old woman starts screaming at me saying that she couldn't get off the bus because she had a bad knee. I apologise and tell her that I obviously can't get into the stop with the police car there but I could lower the wheelchair ramp for her. "You think I'm fuckin' handicapped? I can't believe you just said that. I'm calling and complaining" she says. She manages to get off the bus, turns around and gives me the finger.
Candidate #7
A car is blocking the bus stop, waiting to turn left so I pull in behind it. There are about twenty people at the stop trying to get on the bus. A man gets on and starts yelling at me saying that he was first in line and that if I had stopped at the I.D. post he would have been first on and could have been able to get a seat instead of having to stand. "Sorry, sir but there was a car in front of me and I couldn't pull up to the post." I explain. He looks at me, looks out the front windshield (the car had turned by now) and says "What car? Are you on crack?"
I love Christmas! I just hate all of these debbie downers!
Candidate #1
The bus was turning left and turned in front of a woman on the OTHER SIDE of the crosswalk. It was the bus I was picking up, so I got in and started adjusting the seat while talking to the driver I was relieving. The woman (that was in the crosswalk) came up to the bus and started yelling and screaming, claiming that pedestrians have the right of way and as bus drivers we should know that! The other driver calmly told her that she was no where near hitting her and once you start a turn in a trolley you have to complete it or else you'll get stuck on an insulator and will have to pull your poles. The woman kept ranting and raving about how she just about got killed by the bus and she was going to complain, blah, blah, blah. The other driver just walks away, leaving me to deal with her. So I say, I'm sorry about that but have a merry Christmas. You know what she said? FUCK YOU!
Candidate #2
A man puts his $2.50 into the fare box and the tickets end up jamming. So I tell him, that I'm sorry but I can't give him a transfer as the fare box is now out of service. He reams me out like nobody's mother, saying that he has to get onto the train and he needs a ticket and it's all my fault and I'm doing this on purpose, blah, blah, blah. I ended up writing him a note on a piece of newspaper saying my fare box was broken but he had paid and this was my bus number and seniority number. I told him that if he had any problems to use the note and even if he gets a ticket he can call the depot in the morning and I'll vouch for him. "Fuck you, as if they're going to believe me? I could have written a note myself. Bitch!" he kindly tells me.
Candidate #3
I pass by a stop that no one has rung the bell for and no one is waiting at when this woman starts screaming that I've missed her stop. Because I'm nice, I stop just past the stop and kindly tell her that she hadn't rung the bell. "Well you're supposed to be stopping at every stop, so I don't need to ring the bell" she says. "Just so you know for next time, we don't stop unless someone has rung the bell or there are people waiting" I explain. "Bitch" she replies. At the next stop a man comes up to the front of the bus and tells me I'm out of sync. "Sorry?" I reply. "Well, you missed that poor woman's stop and you're fare box is "apparently" (yes he did the air quotes) broken. You must be new. You'd better step up your game. If I were your boss I'd fire your ass in a heartbeat" he says. I wisely chose not to reply.
Candidate #4
I pull into a stop, let everyone off and load up everyone. I start pulling away when the light turns red, so I stop. I was looking at the lights when suddenly I hear "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me lady! You won't even let me on the bus." I look over and I see a man about to walk away. I open the doors and say "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, if you had just knocked on the door, I would have let you in". "Like hell you would have! Fuckin' dyke drivers on power trips, you think you can just do whatever the fuck you want? You're worse than female cops!" he replies. Once again, I wisely chose not to reply.
Candidate #5
A guy about my age gets on the bus and states "You're the fuckin' ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire life, why don't they hire hot drivers?"
Candidate #6
A police car had pulled someone over in the bus stop so I had no choice but to unload people onto the street. This old woman starts screaming at me saying that she couldn't get off the bus because she had a bad knee. I apologise and tell her that I obviously can't get into the stop with the police car there but I could lower the wheelchair ramp for her. "You think I'm fuckin' handicapped? I can't believe you just said that. I'm calling and complaining" she says. She manages to get off the bus, turns around and gives me the finger.
Candidate #7
A car is blocking the bus stop, waiting to turn left so I pull in behind it. There are about twenty people at the stop trying to get on the bus. A man gets on and starts yelling at me saying that he was first in line and that if I had stopped at the I.D. post he would have been first on and could have been able to get a seat instead of having to stand. "Sorry, sir but there was a car in front of me and I couldn't pull up to the post." I explain. He looks at me, looks out the front windshield (the car had turned by now) and says "What car? Are you on crack?"
I love Christmas! I just hate all of these debbie downers!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Quick update on what's been happening.
A man gets on my bus and asks for a free ride because he just got out of jail and consequentially has no money. In the next breath he comments on how hot I am and asks me out.
Penniless ex-con....now that's my kind of man!
I pull up to a stop where a man is waiting. He looks at me and says "A chick? I'll wait for the next bus, thanks". I later tell one of my co-workers about it saying "obviously I can't drive because I don't have a penis". He remarks "I'm amazed you've made it this far, that's what we use for steering!" Why is everyone I work with such a dirty pervert?
Driving along skid-row, I let two drunk natives on the bus. Immediately they start arguing. The woman is claiming that the man stole her bus pass so she grabs it back, shoves it down her bra and sits down. The man, all the while swearing profusely, grabs her purse and shoves her head back against the window. I park the bus, put on the hazards and warn them that if they can't stop fighting, I'm going to have to call the police. I also mention that the bus is equipped with cameras that are recording everything. The man looks back at me and tells me to go for it. I hit the emergency panic button while the man continues beating the woman. He eventually reaches into her shirt, grabs the bus pass and heads to the front of the bus. As he passes me he takes a swing at me which I easily avoided...Ha ha! Don't try and hit sober people while you're drunk! Then he takes off down the street. The woman runs to the front of the bus and starts banging on the windshield yelling at me to go after him. I flat out refuse to leave and tell her that help is on the way. She starts going on about how he has her bus pass and now he can get into her apartment and I've just issued her death sentence. Meanwhile I'm thinking "You're bus pass opens your apartment door? Don't most people use keys now adays?" A few more minutes pass with the woman yelling/swearing/threatening my life/trying to punch a hole in my windshield before she gets off and runs down the street after her husband. I love having the cameras on the buses. Management watched the whole scenario and decided that it had diffused and everyone was safe so they didn't need to send help and I continued on my merry way.
And that's all that happened tonight.
The end.
Penniless ex-con....now that's my kind of man!
I pull up to a stop where a man is waiting. He looks at me and says "A chick? I'll wait for the next bus, thanks". I later tell one of my co-workers about it saying "obviously I can't drive because I don't have a penis". He remarks "I'm amazed you've made it this far, that's what we use for steering!" Why is everyone I work with such a dirty pervert?
Driving along skid-row, I let two drunk natives on the bus. Immediately they start arguing. The woman is claiming that the man stole her bus pass so she grabs it back, shoves it down her bra and sits down. The man, all the while swearing profusely, grabs her purse and shoves her head back against the window. I park the bus, put on the hazards and warn them that if they can't stop fighting, I'm going to have to call the police. I also mention that the bus is equipped with cameras that are recording everything. The man looks back at me and tells me to go for it. I hit the emergency panic button while the man continues beating the woman. He eventually reaches into her shirt, grabs the bus pass and heads to the front of the bus. As he passes me he takes a swing at me which I easily avoided...Ha ha! Don't try and hit sober people while you're drunk! Then he takes off down the street. The woman runs to the front of the bus and starts banging on the windshield yelling at me to go after him. I flat out refuse to leave and tell her that help is on the way. She starts going on about how he has her bus pass and now he can get into her apartment and I've just issued her death sentence. Meanwhile I'm thinking "You're bus pass opens your apartment door? Don't most people use keys now adays?" A few more minutes pass with the woman yelling/swearing/threatening my life/trying to punch a hole in my windshield before she gets off and runs down the street after her husband. I love having the cameras on the buses. Management watched the whole scenario and decided that it had diffused and everyone was safe so they didn't need to send help and I continued on my merry way.
And that's all that happened tonight.
The end.
Friday, November 27, 2009
The vagina monologue
Me: Good morning
Middle aged woman: Vagina
Now the majority of people return the greeting with a "good morning" or at the very least a grunt. I have had some rather strange responses such as the man who howled at me, the kid who said "props" and offered his fist, and of course the overly friendly ones who have yet to have their morning coffee and just glare in return. But this is by far the oddest response I've heard.
There are a few ways I could interpret her greeting.
1. I had misheard her.
2. She has turrets. (I quickly ruled that out after she didn't make another peep for five minutes)
3. She was merely trying to find some way to relate to me. Since we're both women and both have vaginas, she chose to state that fact outloud.
4. English isn't her first language and she was confused as to what the proper response to good morning was.
5. She insulted me.
Personally, I chose to believe option #5. In this job I get insulted on a daily basis. Needless to say, I've heard pretty much every insult out there. The whole point of an insult to hurt the person, hopefully so badly they cry themselves to sleep every night and eventually wind up in therapy. So it's really useless to call a female bus driver a bitch or a dyke because chances are she's heard it a million times and she's not going to remember you for it. The guy who called me an ill begotten son of a wombat, I'll always remember him. As well as the woman who called me a douche-canoe. Those are examples of great insults. Take it from me, be original so they'll never forget you.
Middle aged woman: Vagina
Now the majority of people return the greeting with a "good morning" or at the very least a grunt. I have had some rather strange responses such as the man who howled at me, the kid who said "props" and offered his fist, and of course the overly friendly ones who have yet to have their morning coffee and just glare in return. But this is by far the oddest response I've heard.
There are a few ways I could interpret her greeting.
1. I had misheard her.
2. She has turrets. (I quickly ruled that out after she didn't make another peep for five minutes)
3. She was merely trying to find some way to relate to me. Since we're both women and both have vaginas, she chose to state that fact outloud.
4. English isn't her first language and she was confused as to what the proper response to good morning was.
5. She insulted me.
Personally, I chose to believe option #5. In this job I get insulted on a daily basis. Needless to say, I've heard pretty much every insult out there. The whole point of an insult to hurt the person, hopefully so badly they cry themselves to sleep every night and eventually wind up in therapy. So it's really useless to call a female bus driver a bitch or a dyke because chances are she's heard it a million times and she's not going to remember you for it. The guy who called me an ill begotten son of a wombat, I'll always remember him. As well as the woman who called me a douche-canoe. Those are examples of great insults. Take it from me, be original so they'll never forget you.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Look at me! I can pick up anyone just because of my career!
"Wow! Your bus has more buttons and gauges than an airplane" a guy on the bus says to me. "No it doesn't. I have four gauges and about thirty switches. Have you ever been in the cockpit of an airplane? I ask. "Of course I have. I'M A PILOT!" he says proudly. "Are you now? Who do you fly for?" I ask. "Well, I'm actually still in school" he replies. "How many hours do you have?" I ask. "Almost twenty." he says. "Good for you. It's a good start." I say. "I don't understand you. Most girls rip off their clothes as soon as they hear I'm a pilot." he replies. "Sorry, but that doesn't do it for me. I've wanted to be a pilot for a long time and I know a lot of pilots. I have inside information most girls don't. Pilots are poor (at least for the first few years) and they're never home." I say. "Yeah, well I know the phonetic alphabet" he says. "So do I. I was the radio dispatcher at a heliport." I reply. "Does this mean you won't go out with me just because I'm a pilot?" he asks. "No, I didn't say that. What I'm saying is I don't really care what someone does for a career just so long as they like it and are financially, emotionally, spiritually stable." I reply. "Yeah, well, you're just a bus driver. You can't make any money doing that! You're a wannabe pilot. Driving a bus around pretending your flying. You're fuckin' pathetic." he says. "Look, I love my job. I know one day I will get my pilots license, it's just the timing is wrong right now. How bout you give me call once you get your career off the ground and maybe I'll consider going out with you (HA! Yeah right!)." I say. "BITCH!" he states and then storms off the bus!
In hindsight maybe I was a bit of a bitch but he deserved it. Anyone who thinks they can get anyone they want just because of what they do for a living is a douche-canoe!
In hindsight maybe I was a bit of a bitch but he deserved it. Anyone who thinks they can get anyone they want just because of what they do for a living is a douche-canoe!
Who let the dogs out?
I pull into a stop as a woman and her Rottweiler are passing the bus. The dog suddenly goes crazy and starts barking hysterically at the bus. The woman loses her grip on the leash. The dog beelines it to my front bumper and starts gnawing on it. "Ma'am, your dog is attempting to eat my bus" I say. "I know! Isn't it cute? He's just protecting me from the loud, noisy bus" she replies. She then starts talking to the dog in a baby voice. By this time, the rottie has just about torn the bumper off and I'm starting to get a little bit frustrated. "Ma'am, get your dog off the street and away from my bus NOW!" I tell her. "Well aren't you a grumpy bus driver?" she says as she pulls the dog away and gives me the finger.
Fantabulous Friday Flattery.
A guy gets on the bus dressed head to toe in Ed Hardy. He takes one look at me and says "How you doing? Nice tatts. Wanna go out sometime?" "Sorry, I'm married" I reply.
Real reasons:
1. I HATE Ed Hardy clothing....HATE it enough to capitalize HATE.
2. Anyone who tries to pick up a chick by asking "How you doing" is an idiot.
3. Assuming that because I have tattoos, I have something in common with him.
4. Shortening tattoos to tatts.
Downtown an older business man gets on the bus. He gets right in my face and says "Finally, a cute bus driver". "Thanks" I reply. As he gets off the bus, he comes back up to the front and says "Cute and one of the best drivers I've seen in a long time. Your boyfriend is a lucky man".
Later on I overhear two guys talking about me.
Guy 1: The bus driver is hot eh?
Guy 2: She is. You should ask her out.
Guy 1: No man, I can't date someone who's a better driver than me.
On my last run of the night this guy stands at the front of the bus and begins talking to me. "I was just out at this night club and it was awesome" "Yeah? I haven't been there in years" I reply. "How old are you?" he asks. "26" I say. "Well, you're young at heart. That's all that matters" he says. Young at heart? What the fuck? I'm young, not young at heart. Stupid punk ass teenager! As he gets off the bus he leans into me, pulls out a camera and snaps a picture of us. "You're hot. I'm putting this on my facebook" he tells me. "Go right ahead" I say.
Sometimes it's more fun to drive the drunks around the city than to be one!
Real reasons:
1. I HATE Ed Hardy clothing....HATE it enough to capitalize HATE.
2. Anyone who tries to pick up a chick by asking "How you doing" is an idiot.
3. Assuming that because I have tattoos, I have something in common with him.
4. Shortening tattoos to tatts.
Downtown an older business man gets on the bus. He gets right in my face and says "Finally, a cute bus driver". "Thanks" I reply. As he gets off the bus, he comes back up to the front and says "Cute and one of the best drivers I've seen in a long time. Your boyfriend is a lucky man".
Later on I overhear two guys talking about me.
Guy 1: The bus driver is hot eh?
Guy 2: She is. You should ask her out.
Guy 1: No man, I can't date someone who's a better driver than me.
On my last run of the night this guy stands at the front of the bus and begins talking to me. "I was just out at this night club and it was awesome" "Yeah? I haven't been there in years" I reply. "How old are you?" he asks. "26" I say. "Well, you're young at heart. That's all that matters" he says. Young at heart? What the fuck? I'm young, not young at heart. Stupid punk ass teenager! As he gets off the bus he leans into me, pulls out a camera and snaps a picture of us. "You're hot. I'm putting this on my facebook" he tells me. "Go right ahead" I say.
Sometimes it's more fun to drive the drunks around the city than to be one!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
A not so crazy friday the thirteenth.
A guy gets on the bus holding a jar full of pennies. "Does this machine accept pennies?" he asks. "It sure does" I reply. Five minutes later he has finished putting the last penny in the farebox. "Do you often walk around with a jar of pennies?" I ask. "Nope. This was a last minute thing and I didn't have any other change" he replies. Alright, fair enough.
I stop and let three really drunk (and when I say really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk) native girls on my bus. Of course, they've all forgotten their pass and have no change. "Don't worry about it, just make sure you have change next time" I tell them. They go and sit at the back of the bus and immediately start drinking from a mickey they've brought on. I could have pulled over and demanded they get off but I was scared shit less of them. They were big enough to squash me with their thumb. So I decided to ignore it. A few stops later I hear screaming from the back of the bus. The drunk girls have gotten into a fight with an elderly Asian woman. I have no idea who started it or what it was about and quite frankly, I didn't care. I pull the bus over and the Asian woman goes to get off when one of the drunk girls trips her causing her to fall flat on her face.
"Oh, my goodness! Are you okay?" I ask. They all ignore me and continue screaming. The woman gets up and leaves the bus while yelling "UGLY! UGLY! UGLY!" I guess it was one of the few insults she knew in English. I drive away. Meanwhile the drunk girls are laughing hysterically at what just happened. When I'm about a Kilometre from where I dropped the Asian woman off, I pull the bus over and announce that this is the drunk girls stop. "Wha? No it's not. We have to go further." they exclaim. "NO! I don't tolerate that sort of behavior. You'll get off now or I will call the police." I retort. Luckily for me, they took my threat seriously and disembarked.
And that's all that happened. I was quite disappointed to say the least. I mean with my track record, I was expecting a werewolf to get on and start eating the seats or something. Boring nights suck!!!!!
I stop and let three really drunk (and when I say really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk) native girls on my bus. Of course, they've all forgotten their pass and have no change. "Don't worry about it, just make sure you have change next time" I tell them. They go and sit at the back of the bus and immediately start drinking from a mickey they've brought on. I could have pulled over and demanded they get off but I was scared shit less of them. They were big enough to squash me with their thumb. So I decided to ignore it. A few stops later I hear screaming from the back of the bus. The drunk girls have gotten into a fight with an elderly Asian woman. I have no idea who started it or what it was about and quite frankly, I didn't care. I pull the bus over and the Asian woman goes to get off when one of the drunk girls trips her causing her to fall flat on her face.
"Oh, my goodness! Are you okay?" I ask. They all ignore me and continue screaming. The woman gets up and leaves the bus while yelling "UGLY! UGLY! UGLY!" I guess it was one of the few insults she knew in English. I drive away. Meanwhile the drunk girls are laughing hysterically at what just happened. When I'm about a Kilometre from where I dropped the Asian woman off, I pull the bus over and announce that this is the drunk girls stop. "Wha? No it's not. We have to go further." they exclaim. "NO! I don't tolerate that sort of behavior. You'll get off now or I will call the police." I retort. Luckily for me, they took my threat seriously and disembarked.
And that's all that happened. I was quite disappointed to say the least. I mean with my track record, I was expecting a werewolf to get on and start eating the seats or something. Boring nights suck!!!!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Kids - Drop out of school....Become a bus driver instead.
A woman gets on the bus with her daughter (maybe 8 years old) in tow. "Mommy, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm sick" the daughter whines. "Darling, you have to go to school that way you can get a good job. You don't want to end up being a bus driver do you?" the mother replies (I'm assuming she thought I couldn't hear her).
Enough already! Reality check. Being a bus driver is a great job. We have a multitude of people working for us that have post secondary education...doctors, pilots, lawyers, etc.... I work for a company that treats me like gold. Their greatest asset isn't the 1.4 million dollar buses but the people that operate them. I have fantabulous benefits, the second best pension plan in the country and on top of all that I make more than triple the minimum wage. Still not enough to convince you? How about this?
At about 1:30 am I'm not in service, heading back to the depot. I'm travelling on a four lane road with a van in the left lane slightly ahead of me. Suddenly a black Chevy Malibu comes flying out of nowhere and comes right up to the bumper of the van. Without a turn signal or any extra space he cuts into my lane. This has to be one of the most reckless/stupid ass moves I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Both the van and I were travelling at 60 kms (I know I was speeding. My bad) and there was about half a car length between us. In order for this guy to get between us he had to kiss the van's bumper and nudge me out of the way (always a good idea to try and nudge a bus out of the way). Luckily an accident was avoided because both the van and myself saw this idiot and the van sped up while I hit the brakes. Not even thirty seconds later an undercover cop put on his lights and sirens and took off after the douche bag in the Malibu. The Malibu screeches around a corner and down a side street in an attempt to lose the cop. The cop follows. As I pass the intersection, I slow down and crane my neck in an attempt to see this idiot getting a well deserved ticket. No such luck. The Malibu turns down another side street with the cop in hot pursuit.
About five blocks later I just about t-bone a car that pulls out in front of me. Guess who??? The Malibu is back!! Seconds later the cop comes up behind me, lights and sirens going chasing that jackass for all it's worth. Unfortunately I have to leave the chase to go back to the depot but for the ten or so blocks I was involved in it was awesome!
And that's why kids you should be a bus driver. Think about it for a while. Do you really want to go $50,000 into debt just to get a piece of paper you can frame and hang on your office wall? You'll get a piece of paper once you finish training here as well...actually, I don't even know where mine is. But regardless of that fact, your life will resemble an action movie a lot of the time. You'll get a lot of great stories to impress your friends (and those of the opposite sex). The point being, it's way cooler to be a bus driver than an office guy!
Enough already! Reality check. Being a bus driver is a great job. We have a multitude of people working for us that have post secondary education...doctors, pilots, lawyers, etc.... I work for a company that treats me like gold. Their greatest asset isn't the 1.4 million dollar buses but the people that operate them. I have fantabulous benefits, the second best pension plan in the country and on top of all that I make more than triple the minimum wage. Still not enough to convince you? How about this?
At about 1:30 am I'm not in service, heading back to the depot. I'm travelling on a four lane road with a van in the left lane slightly ahead of me. Suddenly a black Chevy Malibu comes flying out of nowhere and comes right up to the bumper of the van. Without a turn signal or any extra space he cuts into my lane. This has to be one of the most reckless/stupid ass moves I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Both the van and I were travelling at 60 kms (I know I was speeding. My bad) and there was about half a car length between us. In order for this guy to get between us he had to kiss the van's bumper and nudge me out of the way (always a good idea to try and nudge a bus out of the way). Luckily an accident was avoided because both the van and myself saw this idiot and the van sped up while I hit the brakes. Not even thirty seconds later an undercover cop put on his lights and sirens and took off after the douche bag in the Malibu. The Malibu screeches around a corner and down a side street in an attempt to lose the cop. The cop follows. As I pass the intersection, I slow down and crane my neck in an attempt to see this idiot getting a well deserved ticket. No such luck. The Malibu turns down another side street with the cop in hot pursuit.
About five blocks later I just about t-bone a car that pulls out in front of me. Guess who??? The Malibu is back!! Seconds later the cop comes up behind me, lights and sirens going chasing that jackass for all it's worth. Unfortunately I have to leave the chase to go back to the depot but for the ten or so blocks I was involved in it was awesome!
And that's why kids you should be a bus driver. Think about it for a while. Do you really want to go $50,000 into debt just to get a piece of paper you can frame and hang on your office wall? You'll get a piece of paper once you finish training here as well...actually, I don't even know where mine is. But regardless of that fact, your life will resemble an action movie a lot of the time. You'll get a lot of great stories to impress your friends (and those of the opposite sex). The point being, it's way cooler to be a bus driver than an office guy!
An oldie but a goodie
This happened a few years ago but it's by far my favorite bus story
It had snowed so there were quite a few snowbanks around. I was driving for a tour bus company at the time. My bus was full of middle aged Australian tourists. We arrive at our destination when two of my co-workers pick me up and throw me mercilessly into a snow bank. I'm lying on my back wondering if I've lost all respect with my tour group when I hear a few comments...."Oh, my goodness, are you okay dear?" "What big brutes you work with". Suddenly I hear "Don't worry about her, she likes being on her back!" coming from a 65+ year old man. I start laughing so hard, I can't even pull myself out of the snowbank. This was the best burn I've ever received and the fact that it came from an Aussie old enough to be my grandfather made it even better!
It had snowed so there were quite a few snowbanks around. I was driving for a tour bus company at the time. My bus was full of middle aged Australian tourists. We arrive at our destination when two of my co-workers pick me up and throw me mercilessly into a snow bank. I'm lying on my back wondering if I've lost all respect with my tour group when I hear a few comments...."Oh, my goodness, are you okay dear?" "What big brutes you work with". Suddenly I hear "Don't worry about her, she likes being on her back!" coming from a 65+ year old man. I start laughing so hard, I can't even pull myself out of the snowbank. This was the best burn I've ever received and the fact that it came from an Aussie old enough to be my grandfather made it even better!
The third (and hopefully last) assault
This happened a few months ago and I'm completely over it so don't get freaked out or feel sorry for me.
It was a typical night at work. I was asked out by a few bums, insulted a couple of times and had a few close M.V.A.'s. The route I was doing turned into a downtown night bus and I got a half hour break before I turned into the night bus. I pull into my terminus and get out to have a smoke. I know, I shouldn't smoke. But anyways I hadn't seen anyone when I pulled into the loop. As I'm smoking this guy comes out of now where; I guess he was lurking in the bushes or waiting in the bus stop which isn't visible from where I'm parked. He's about thirty and kinda hot, he looked like someone I'd go on a date with.
He starts walking towards me and I assume he's going to walk past me so I move off the sidewalk with my back towards him. The next thing I know is he's grabbed me from behind. It's almost like he's giving me a bear hug, except he's grabbing my boob. At this point all that's going through my head is "are you fuckin' kidding me? Again?". He wasn't a very good assailant because he had left my entire right arm free which I used to elbow him in the ribs many times. Sometimes it's good to be skinny with sharp elbows!!!
After I had elbowed him a number of times he gave up and ran away. I beelined for my bus, locked the doors and pressed the emergency response button. Although I was shaking so badly it took about five tries before I managed to actually hit the button. Communications calls me and I explain that I've just been attacked. They ask if they need to call the police. I say "Well the guy's already gone and I'm not injured so I don't think so." They then tell me a supervisor is on his way and he'll be there in about 15 minutes.
Five minutes later the supervisor shows up. He explains that he drove 140 kms to get to me. He also berated communications for not calling the police. Even though this guy is gone, the police need to be there, so he calls them. Meanwhile another driver shows up. The supervisor tells him to stay with me while he drives the streets looking for this douche bag. Five minutes later the supervisor comes back and informs me that he couldn't see this creep at all. Meanwhile the police show up (five cars) and transit security.
I explain for the millionth time what happened while the police get the dog out to do a search of the area. They also inform me that they have a helicopter with infrared technology to help spot this guy. They inform me that there's a known rapist in the area and he matches the description I gave them. I'm pretty shaken up and can't stop crying but at the same time, I'm finding humour in the whole situation.
1. This guy was the worst attacker EVER! By leaving my arm free, I was able to fight back and get away.
2. This guy was so desperate to get laid that he waited at a bus stop in the hopes of seeing a female driver instead of going to find a crack whore who'll give him sex for five bucks.
3. The fact that I had been assaulted twice before. I had frozen in those situations but was more prepared for this one. I fought back! YES! Gold star for me!
4. I got a search dog and a HELICOPTER!!! That makes for a good story!
In the end they didn't catch him. They took my jacket for DNA and it's definitely not like TV. I'll be getting my jacket back in about a year or so. The company booked me off my work and booked my boyfriend (now ex) off as well so he could comfort me. That's part of why I love my job so much, they will bend over backwards to help out their employees.
I went back to work a week later but found I was so paranoid that I couldn't drive. I did one trip and then booked off again. It was at the point where I only felt comfortable with my back up against the wall (even in my own apartment). With therapy and talking it out, I eventually returned back to work three weeks later. My supervisor asked if I wanted to switch to day shifts but I refused. I'm not going to let one ass ruin my job. I'm a night owl, I love working at night. I don't want to deal with traffic, and the drunks and the crazies are more fun.
That's when my supervisor accused me of being a vampire. So I hissed at him.
I fuckin' love my job and the company I work for. How often can you hiss at your supervisor and get away with it?
It was a typical night at work. I was asked out by a few bums, insulted a couple of times and had a few close M.V.A.'s. The route I was doing turned into a downtown night bus and I got a half hour break before I turned into the night bus. I pull into my terminus and get out to have a smoke. I know, I shouldn't smoke. But anyways I hadn't seen anyone when I pulled into the loop. As I'm smoking this guy comes out of now where; I guess he was lurking in the bushes or waiting in the bus stop which isn't visible from where I'm parked. He's about thirty and kinda hot, he looked like someone I'd go on a date with.
He starts walking towards me and I assume he's going to walk past me so I move off the sidewalk with my back towards him. The next thing I know is he's grabbed me from behind. It's almost like he's giving me a bear hug, except he's grabbing my boob. At this point all that's going through my head is "are you fuckin' kidding me? Again?". He wasn't a very good assailant because he had left my entire right arm free which I used to elbow him in the ribs many times. Sometimes it's good to be skinny with sharp elbows!!!
After I had elbowed him a number of times he gave up and ran away. I beelined for my bus, locked the doors and pressed the emergency response button. Although I was shaking so badly it took about five tries before I managed to actually hit the button. Communications calls me and I explain that I've just been attacked. They ask if they need to call the police. I say "Well the guy's already gone and I'm not injured so I don't think so." They then tell me a supervisor is on his way and he'll be there in about 15 minutes.
Five minutes later the supervisor shows up. He explains that he drove 140 kms to get to me. He also berated communications for not calling the police. Even though this guy is gone, the police need to be there, so he calls them. Meanwhile another driver shows up. The supervisor tells him to stay with me while he drives the streets looking for this douche bag. Five minutes later the supervisor comes back and informs me that he couldn't see this creep at all. Meanwhile the police show up (five cars) and transit security.
I explain for the millionth time what happened while the police get the dog out to do a search of the area. They also inform me that they have a helicopter with infrared technology to help spot this guy. They inform me that there's a known rapist in the area and he matches the description I gave them. I'm pretty shaken up and can't stop crying but at the same time, I'm finding humour in the whole situation.
1. This guy was the worst attacker EVER! By leaving my arm free, I was able to fight back and get away.
2. This guy was so desperate to get laid that he waited at a bus stop in the hopes of seeing a female driver instead of going to find a crack whore who'll give him sex for five bucks.
3. The fact that I had been assaulted twice before. I had frozen in those situations but was more prepared for this one. I fought back! YES! Gold star for me!
4. I got a search dog and a HELICOPTER!!! That makes for a good story!
In the end they didn't catch him. They took my jacket for DNA and it's definitely not like TV. I'll be getting my jacket back in about a year or so. The company booked me off my work and booked my boyfriend (now ex) off as well so he could comfort me. That's part of why I love my job so much, they will bend over backwards to help out their employees.
I went back to work a week later but found I was so paranoid that I couldn't drive. I did one trip and then booked off again. It was at the point where I only felt comfortable with my back up against the wall (even in my own apartment). With therapy and talking it out, I eventually returned back to work three weeks later. My supervisor asked if I wanted to switch to day shifts but I refused. I'm not going to let one ass ruin my job. I'm a night owl, I love working at night. I don't want to deal with traffic, and the drunks and the crazies are more fun.
That's when my supervisor accused me of being a vampire. So I hissed at him.
I fuckin' love my job and the company I work for. How often can you hiss at your supervisor and get away with it?
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