Merry fuckin' Christmas to you too!

Christmas time; a time for joy, a time for giving, a time for family and friends, a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus (even though he was actually born in the spring but the date was changed so that it coincided with the pagan holiday but that's another tangent and I'm not going to get into it here). I've been noticing over the last week that instead of becoming more joyous, festive and giving as the season approaches, people are becoming more and more miserable. May I suggest a Christmas anger management program?

Candidate #1

The bus was turning left and turned in front of a woman on the OTHER SIDE of the crosswalk. It was the bus I was picking up, so I got in and started adjusting the seat while talking to the driver I was relieving. The woman (that was in the crosswalk) came up to the bus and started yelling and screaming, claiming that pedestrians have the right of way and as bus drivers we should know that! The other driver calmly told her that she was no where near hitting her and once you start a turn in a trolley you have to complete it or else you'll get stuck on an insulator and will have to pull your poles. The woman kept ranting and raving about how she just about got killed by the bus and she was going to complain, blah, blah, blah. The other driver just walks away, leaving me to deal with her. So I say, I'm sorry about that but have a merry Christmas. You know what she said? FUCK YOU!

Candidate #2

A man puts his $2.50 into the fare box and the tickets end up jamming. So I tell him, that I'm sorry but I can't give him a transfer as the fare box is now out of service. He reams me out like nobody's mother, saying that he has to get onto the train and he needs a ticket and it's all my fault and I'm doing this on purpose, blah, blah, blah. I ended up writing him a note on a piece of newspaper saying my fare box was broken but he had paid and this was my bus number and seniority number. I told him that if he had any problems to use the note and even if he gets a ticket he can call the depot in the morning and I'll vouch for him. "Fuck you, as if they're going to believe me? I could have written a note myself. Bitch!" he kindly tells me.

Candidate #3

I pass by a stop that no one has rung the bell for and no one is waiting at when this woman starts screaming that I've missed her stop. Because I'm nice, I stop just past the stop and kindly tell her that she hadn't rung the bell. "Well you're supposed to be stopping at every stop, so I don't need to ring the bell" she says. "Just so you know for next time, we don't stop unless someone has rung the bell or there are people waiting" I explain. "Bitch" she replies. At the next stop a man comes up to the front of the bus and tells me I'm out of sync. "Sorry?" I reply. "Well, you missed that poor woman's stop and you're fare box is "apparently" (yes he did the air quotes) broken. You must be new. You'd better step up your game. If I were your boss I'd fire your ass in a heartbeat" he says. I wisely chose not to reply.

Candidate #4

I pull into a stop, let everyone off and load up everyone. I start pulling away when the light turns red, so I stop. I was looking at the lights when suddenly I hear "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me lady! You won't even let me on the bus." I look over and I see a man about to walk away. I open the doors and say "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, if you had just knocked on the door, I would have let you in". "Like hell you would have! Fuckin' dyke drivers on power trips, you think you can just do whatever the fuck you want? You're worse than female cops!" he replies. Once again, I wisely chose not to reply.

Candidate #5

A guy about my age gets on the bus and states "You're the fuckin' ugliest woman I've ever seen in my entire life, why don't they hire hot drivers?"

Candidate #6

A police car had pulled someone over in the bus stop so I had no choice but to unload people onto the street. This old woman starts screaming at me saying that she couldn't get off the bus because she had a bad knee. I apologise and tell her that I obviously can't get into the stop with the police car there but I could lower the wheelchair ramp for her. "You think I'm fuckin' handicapped? I can't believe you just said that. I'm calling and complaining" she says. She manages to get off the bus, turns around and gives me the finger.

Candidate #7

A car is blocking the bus stop, waiting to turn left so I pull in behind it. There are about twenty people at the stop trying to get on the bus. A man gets on and starts yelling at me saying that he was first in line and that if I had stopped at the I.D. post he would have been first on and could have been able to get a seat instead of having to stand. "Sorry, sir but there was a car in front of me and I couldn't pull up to the post." I explain. He looks at me, looks out the front windshield (the car had turned by now) and says "What car? Are you on crack?"

I love Christmas! I just hate all of these debbie downers!

Thanks, but I'd rather be stabbed in the eye by a unicorn.

The uniform that I wear to work is ugly. It's blue polyester and everything is too big on me. It makes me look really unattractive and it completely disguises the shape of my body, which I thought was a good thing. Guys won't hit on me or grope me. WRONG!!!

I got my boobie grabbed again. Someone once told me that I should be flattered by the fact that men find me attractive and want to touch me. I understand that point of view...sort of. It's just when I'm working I'm trying to be professional. I just want to do my job. You wouldn't think about gropping a police officer in uniform, so why is it okay to do it to a bus driver? Okay we don't have a gun but still, it's INAPROPRIATE!!!!!

Let me start at the beginning, which in my opinion is a good place to start.

I pick up an older man downtown and immediately notice that he is intoxicated beyond belief. He was having so much trouble walking, I wasn't even sure if he could see the seats in the bus. Finally he manages to sit fall down. As we get towards the end of the line there are only two people left on the bus, the drunk and another man. At the second to last stop the other man tells me that he may have left his umbrella on the bus and asks if I mind waiting while he searches for it. I tell him no problem. As he passes by the drunk man, the drunk reaches out and squeezes his midsection. The umbrella man smacks his hand away and tells him to fuck off. As the umbrella man passes the drunk again, he is once again squeezed. As the umbrella man gets off, he tells the drunk to get a fuckin' life.

As soon as I start moving the drunk stands up (why the hell do they have to move when the bus is in motion??) and stands right behind me. I pull into the bus loop and open the doors. The drunk then reaches out strokes my cheek, moves down to my shoulder and eventually my boob which he gives a firm grab. Turning he then attempts to step off the bus but instead faceplants! That's karma for ya! I immediately call the police and shortly after they arrive they confirm that they've caught him. I'm assuming it wasn't too difficult seeing as he could hardly take two steps without succumbing to gravity.

Update: The case went to court last week and I took the stand against him. Fuckin' scary shit. I hope I never have to go through it again. All in all the case went well and hopefully he'll be convicted.

Quick update on what's been happening.

A man gets on my bus and asks for a free ride because he just got out of jail and consequentially has no money. In the next breath he comments on how hot I am and asks me out.
Penniless ex-con....now that's my kind of man!

I pull up to a stop where a man is waiting. He looks at me and says "A chick? I'll wait for the next bus, thanks". I later tell one of my co-workers about it saying "obviously I can't drive because I don't have a penis". He remarks "I'm amazed you've made it this far, that's what we use for steering!" Why is everyone I work with such a dirty pervert?

Driving along skid-row, I let two drunk natives on the bus. Immediately they start arguing. The woman is claiming that the man stole her bus pass so she grabs it back, shoves it down her bra and sits down. The man, all the while swearing profusely, grabs her purse and shoves her head back against the window. I park the bus, put on the hazards and warn them that if they can't stop fighting, I'm going to have to call the police. I also mention that the bus is equipped with cameras that are recording everything. The man looks back at me and tells me to go for it. I hit the emergency panic button while the man continues beating the woman. He eventually reaches into her shirt, grabs the bus pass and heads to the front of the bus. As he passes me he takes a swing at me which I easily avoided...Ha ha! Don't try and hit sober people while you're drunk! Then he takes off down the street. The woman runs to the front of the bus and starts banging on the windshield yelling at me to go after him. I flat out refuse to leave and tell her that help is on the way. She starts going on about how he has her bus pass and now he can get into her apartment and I've just issued her death sentence. Meanwhile I'm thinking "You're bus pass opens your apartment door? Don't most people use keys now adays?" A few more minutes pass with the woman yelling/swearing/threatening my life/trying to punch a hole in my windshield before she gets off and runs down the street after her husband. I love having the cameras on the buses. Management watched the whole scenario and decided that it had diffused and everyone was safe so they didn't need to send help and I continued on my merry way.

And that's all that happened tonight.
The end.