Just another boring night

At the bus loop after taking my break, I hop back in the bus and start her up. Well that was the intention. I turned the bus on, pressed the starter and was greeted with a clicking noise. Looking at the dash, I notice the bus is still in gear. I put it in neutral and press the starter. "Click, click, click" I shut the bus off completely and try again. "Click, click, click" Meanwhile a friend of mine wanders over to see what the problem is/laugh at me not being able to start the bus. "I don't know what the problem is" I whine. The parking brake's on, it's in neutral, technically it should start. "These buses are temperamental, if you don't do everything in the right order, they won't start for you" my friend comments. "I know that and everything's being done in the right order" I reply. "Don't ask me, I never drive these ones" she says. Suddenly without warning the bus starts up. Yeah, the bus is fixed!

On my next trip I only have one passenger left on my bus as I'm pulling into the loop. I park and open the doors. The man slowly saunters up to the front of the bus, taking his sweet ass time getting off, all the while leering at me. Finally he makes it out the doors which I promptly shut. He chooses to stand directly in front of the doors giving me the come hither look. Ignoring him, I pull out my book and start reading. Glancing up two minutes later, I notice he's still standing there staring at me. I bury my nose in my book again and sigh when he eventually walks away. Watching him in my mirror, I notice he stops every two feet to glance back at the bus (in the hopes that I'll emerge and allow him to carry me off into the sunset???).

At 1am I stop at my favorite coffee shop for some much needed caffeine to get me through the rest of my shift. A few guys sitting outside snicker as I walk into the shop. As I come back out I jokingly thank them for not stealing the bus. One guy replies "You're lucky you came back so fast. We were just about to take it and put it up for sale on Ebay....One city bus, starting bid 99 cents!"

Driving along I pass by one of the homeless hangout bus stops. One block later, a bum rings the bell and immediately starts yelling at me because I've missed his stop. "I'm sorry sir but you have to ring the bell before we get to the stop not after we've passed it" I say. "Well, I was trying but my lighter fell down between the seats and I had to get it and then I had trouble standing back up because my knee is bad but I'm supposed to get surgery on it later once the doctor approves it. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow, my mom is supposed to meet me but she's such a flake and now she's with her new boyfriend and..." He explains. I interrupt his ramble by asking if he wants off here. "NO! I can't walk a block. I'm staying on the bus and you can drop me off where you were supposed to on your way back." He says.

"Alright" I reply and start driving again. Just as the light turns green for me another bum wanders in front of the bus. I give him a warning honk and come to a stop. He moves to the side of the bus, sticks his tongue out at me (kudos to him for not giving me the finger) and kicks the door. Once he's used up all his pent up rage, he steps back and I continue along. Looping around downtown, I start heading back towards the homeless hangout stop. I look in my mirror and see the bum is now passed out on the floor of the bus. Pulling into the stop, I get on the P.A. and announce that we're here and he needs to get off. No response. I turn up the volume and say "Oi! Sleeping beauty, we're at your stop. Wake up and get off." And he does just that. And so that concludes my tale of a typical night driving a bus. They all lived happily ever after.
The end.