Passenger of the week weak

Drunk man: Have you seen my brother?
Me: Ummm.... Nope, can't say that I have.
Drunk man: He was on a bus.
Me (looking around the bus): Well, he's not on this one.
Drunk man: Okay, thanks man.

He then stands in the doorway for a minute.

Me: On or off. Make up your mind.
Drunk guy: Okay, I'm getting on. I'm supposed to meet my brother on a bus. Have you seen him?
Me: NO! Please go have a seat.
Drunk guy: I'm fine standing.
Me: No! Sit down before you fall down. This bus won't be moving until you're seated.
Drunk guy: But there aren't any seats.
Me (incredibly frustrated by this point and terribly behind schedule): Yes there are. I can see at least ten seats available. Sit down NOW!

He walks stumbles past about nine empty seats before finally selecting one at the very back of the bus. As I'm driving along, I notice more and more passengers moving towards the front of the bus away from the crazy drunk guy who is now talking to himself. As the bus starts to empty out, the crazy man slowly starts moving towards the front of the bus, one seat at a time. Eventually he's in the seat directly behind me.

Another passenger stands in the door and strikes a conversation with me before he exits the bus. "Not too many females that drive at night" he comments. "I know, but I prefer to work at night" I reply. "Get the fuck off the bus, we've all got places to go" the drunk man suddenly shouts out. "Sir. He has the right to speak. You cannot order someone off the bus. Besides we have plenty of time" I angrily respond. "Uh, I was, uh, just telling him to have a good night" the drunk guy says. I turn back to the other passenger when, much to my dismay, I find him walking quickly away from the bus. Scared off by the drunk, I reckon. Seeing as we're a couple minutes ahead of schedule by this time, I decide to get out of the bus and check to make sure all of the lights are in working order. By the time I get back on the bus, the drunk is yelling frantically at me claiming he's late to meet his brother.

Ha ha! Mission accomplished.

Driver of the week weak

This goes out to the taxi driver who drove into the side of a bus. When asked how the accident happened his reply was "I didn't see the bus".

Which of course is completely understandable; buses are only 40 feet long thus making them rather difficult to spot, for instance when they're passing a motorcycle.

Stereotyping is so much fun

There are five types of people who sit at bus stops.

1. The ones who are blissfully unaware of anything happening outside of their own reality(fantasy).
These folks tend to be characterised as those who sit at bus stops, ignore the bus as it's approaching the stop, appear startled as the bus comes to a stop in front of them, and finally outraged when the driver opens the door and asks if they want a ride. "How dare you even ask if I want a ride? If I wanted the bus, I'd let you know. Now let me get back to shooting heroine into my veins."

2. The ones that are too cool for school.
These people either ignore the bus as it's approaching the stop, or back away and take a sudden interest in reading a poster on the bus stop wall. As you drive past them, you can see them waving frantically, quite often jumping up and down and finally flipping you the bird. "Why the hell didn't you stop? I'm waiting here. You're supposed to pick me up even though, I showed no intention whatsoever of wanting your bus."

3. The interested ones who definitely want the bus.
As you approach the stop, they stand up and start walking towards the I.D. post. If it's a stop where multiple buses stop, they'll usually accompany this behavior with a wave to let you know that yes, this is the bus they want.

4. The polite wavers who are not interested in taking the bus.
It could be that they had a rock in their shoe that they had to remove or their trick knee was acting up, or a bug stuck in their eye, or that they're official bus stop bench testers. The reason doesn't really matter. They're sitting at the stop, they don't want your bus and they wave you by. I love this type. I wish there were more of them.

5. The overly hyper, had ADD as a child, and speaks a mile a minute with hand gestures to match and DOES NOT want the bus in any way, shape or form.
As you're coming into the stop, they wave you by. Unfortunately you have people to drop off so you continue pulling into the stop. By this time the person has stood up, arms and legs thrashing wildly (looks as though they are directing an airplane to land or having a seizure), flecks of spittle flying wildly throughout the air and as you open the doors they state "I don't want the bus". Usually I'll reply with "I got that, but is it okay if I let these people off?"

And I thought I was lazy

I pull up to a stop only to hear "You're late, I've been waiting 40 minutes for a bus".

At the next stop (which was two blocks later. Got that? Two blocks.) the woman who complained about the bus being late got off.

So did you get all that? A woman who was young, in decent shape, and didn't have any difficulty walking chose to wait 40 minutes for a bus to transport her two blocks across level ground on a beautiful sunny day.