Guy: Hey, my girlfriend's mad at me. Can I ask you some advice?
Me: Ummm...I'm really not the best person to ask. I'm not a normal girl. I can't even remember the date my boyfriend and I started going out.
Guy (ignoring me): My girl's pregnant and she asked me to pick up all of this facial stuff for her but I had to go way out in the suburbs to get it. Now she's pissed because I'm coming home so late.
Me: Huh? I don't understand. She asked you to get stuff for her and you trekked way out there to get it, when you didn't have to and she's mad? She should be happy you made this long journey to get the stuff for her.
Guy: So should I get her a monkey or something?
Me: A real monkey?
Guy: No, a stuffed monkey.
Me: A stuffed animal? Aren't stuffed animals for kids?
Guy: Nah, girls love stuffed animals.
Me: Really? I'd punch a guy if he got me a teddy bear. I'd rather a case of beer. But like I mentioned before, I'm not the best girl to ask. Obviously you know her best, so you should do whatever you think will make her happy.
Guy: Thanks for the advice. You're a lifesaver.
Me: No worries.
Internal thoughts: Why the hell are you thanking me? I gave you no useful advice whatsoever.
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