Yield to the bus...or not.

Posted on the bumper of every bus in the city is a large bright yellow sticker stating "Please yield to the bus, it's the law". I know that the buses are covered with adverts and you may be so distracted by the oversized picture of oozing meat by Vera's burger shack that you may miss the bumper sticker; that's understandable. I'll forgive you. Once. But now you know and you no longer have an excuse. Seriously people, I'm on a tight schedule. I've got kites to fly and fish to fry (perhaps not the metaphor that pertains to this particular situation). Okay, I've got places to go and people to see (that makes more sense).




I don't know the statistics of how many cars actually yield and quite frankly, I don't give a rat's ass. Statistics are bullshit. All I know is that when I put on my turn signal to leave a stop most cars continue past me as though I weren't there. Usually after about the fourth car I'll start honking at those that refuse to move. 99 times out of 100 this results in the driver laying on the horn and telling me I'm number one with their middle finger. "They love me, they want to be part of my fan club (you can be part of it too. Just send a cheque for $100.00 and you'll receive an autographed picture as well as emailed updates about my ever so exciting life). Occasionally, I won't have to rely upon my horn; some drivers actually do slow down or stop for me. It always leaves me with a warm, fuzzy feeling that starts in my heart and continues down to my toes.



The other day, I had the socks shocked off of me. The first car that saw my indicator come on actually stopped and motioned for me to pull out. Wow! I doubt that will ever happen again. I believe I have a better chance of winning the lottery. Hmmm maybe I should start playing.



A lot of drivers seem to fear buses, as they rightly should. I'm bigger than you, I'll squash you like a bug. I do take advantage of this fact and force other drivers to bend to my will. If we're at a standstill and I need to switch lanes, I will stick my nose in front of you and force you to let me in. But that is an entirely different scenario than me sticking my nose in front of a car travelling at 50kms an hour. The chances of getting hit are much greater and to be honest there is way too much paperwork to fill out as the result of an accident. So all in all I tend to avoid getting myself in situations where damage could be caused either to a vehicle or a person. Many a driver has been so startled when I put on my signal that they've swerved into oncoming traffic much to the dismay of other vehicles around them. Or else they give me a few toots on the horn. Let me reassure you buses are equiped with mirrors; large mirrors (that can pose a hazard when driving past lampstands!). Rest assured, I see you, I know that you're there. Thank you for moving so quickly out of the way and/or audibly informing me of your presence but really it's quite unnecessary.


And now kids, it's time for the funny story of the day...



I pulled into a stop where one older (55+) gentleman was waiting. I opened the doors with a smile and just about choked and vomited on my standard greeting. This man was wearing baggy blue jeans and was standing with his hands on his hips. (I know, it's not funny yet...I'm getting to it). His fly was down. (So? Still not funny). He had also chosen this day (but who knows, it could be every other day as well) to go commando. Yes, I was just flashed by your grandfather.