Scooter lady

Noticing a woman in a scooter at one of my stops, I apply the parking brakes, throw on my hazards, lower the bus and begin opening the ramp. When the ramp is about a foot from being fully lowered, the woman suddenly decides to move forward. Seeing as the ramp is now about to hit her, I attempt to stop it. Unfortunately it doesn't respond so well and the ramp ends up hitting her on the leg. She screamed...well actually it wasn't so much of a scream per se, it was more like a howl - werewolf style. "I'm soo sorry ma'am. Are you okay?" I ask. "Did you all see that? She's trying to kill me!" the woman cried out to the crowd of people waiting to board the bus. Off to a great start. This is going to be a fun night. She finally moves back enough so that I can fully lower the ramp. Going full speed up the ramp she then drives right into the fare box, she backs up until she hits the door frame. Moving forward again (with a few minor collisions with the seats, stanchions, fare box again) she manages to get the scooter mostly centred in the isle of the bus. As she drives past me she shouts "Cunt" Are you getting an idea of how skilled or lack thereof she was as a driver? I do give her this though, she managed to turn the scooter around (it's easier if they're backed into the spot) with no more than twenty collisions. I was starting to imagine her as a pinball in a pinball machine. 


She managed to negotiate herself into the wheelchair spot. Moving from my seat, I got my first good look of her, as I went to strap her in. You know how sometimes old women wear lipstick smeared everywhere in the general area their mouth is in? Yeah, she had that going on as well as overly orange foundation, fake eyelashes and 1970's blue eyeshadow. I also noticed that she had a five o clock shadow happening. Now imagine the deepest most manliest, gravelly voice you've ever heard. Multiply it by ten and you've got her. Trying to get the straps onto her scooter was a nightmare. She kept on moving forward slightly then reversing full speed back into the seats. I got my fingers pinched no less than six times. About twelve years later we were finally ready to get the show on the road. As soon as I start driving she starts screaming (howling). "what's the problem ma'am?" I ask. "It's too cold in here. My leg is frozen, I've got frostbite because of you! Turn on the fucking heat." she yells. It was September and about 16 degrees...not warm but definitely not cold enough to get frostbite!



At the next stop a man with a pointed goatee boards the bus. "You look like the devil" the scooter lady says. "What?!?" the man replies. "You're going to go to hell you know? You with your black t-shirt looking like the devil. God doesn't approve" she tells the man. The man pointedly ignores her. Smart. Not one to be deterred the woman continues her monologue. For about five minutes the woman continues to mock, rant, rave, preach, and accuse the poor man. Another man boards the bus and makes the mistake of sitting across from the scooter lady. "Well puppy, aren't you a cute one?" scooter lady says. Yes she did call him a puppy! Scooter lady then attempts to flirt with this man until the man finally leaves the bus. 


Pulling into my stop in downtown where all of the high end prostitutes were talking and laughing while waiting for their next customer, scooter lady suddenly shouts out. "shut up you stupid hens!" About half a block later a taxi honks. "shut up you fucker" scooter lady yells. This basically went on for the next twenty blocks. Any time there was so much as a whisper, scooter lady would yell out shut up you (insert insult). Finally we get to her stop. She attempted to take the straps off her scooter without my assistance and got one stuck. I couldn't pull it out (it's like a seat belt, once it's halfway out you can't pull it out any further) and i couldn't get it between her armrest. After jiggling it for about five minutes (in the meantime, scooter lady took this opportunity to insult me in every possible way), I managed to release it. She then drove forward, straight into a seat. Reversing so quickly that I actually had to jump onto the seat to avoid getting my toes run over, scooter lady finally manages to exit the bus (instead of driving down the ramp, she chose to drive over the side). Meanwhile the entire bus cracked up when i did my acrobatic move to save my toes. All in all it was pretty funny, the entire bus load and myself laughed for blocks!