My way or the highway.

A few years back, I was driving bus for a company that drove cross country. I was fairly new to the job and still trying to double clutch smoothly without stalling the bus. In training we were told that we had the right to kick anyone off the bus for any reasonable reason just so long as they were dropped off in an area that wasn't completely secluded (IE: NOT dropping them off in the middle of a mountain pass 40 miles from the closest payphone). One of my instructors pulled me aside and gave me some tips on how to get rid of problem passengers. "You need to avoid all confrontation, trick them if you have to. You're going to be on your own with no backup and you are a small female and people will try to take advantage of that" he warned me. With those words of wisdom in my head, I ventured out into the world as a highway driver on my own.

My second trip on the job, I'm scheduled to relieve a driver at 4am and drive 11 hours back to my home base. The bus is mostly empty and the majority of the passengers were sound asleep that is except for one. Let's call him Ted. Ted decided to use this road trip as a drinking binge. As soon as I get on the bus, Ted starts getting excited over the fact that I'm female.

The bus I had was an old seven speed and no matter how smooth your shifting was, you had to grind the gears to get it going. After a few stalls and mis-shifts, Ted starts commenting on how true the stereotype is about female drivers. Now when most alcoholic people get on a bus they bring a mickey...nope Ted brought two fortys. He also requested I stop the bus every ten minutes for a smoke break.

So here I am with a shitty ass bus that I'm doing my best to drive with this drunk, sexist asshole jeering me on. About 8 hours later (oh yes, Ted's behaviour persisted throughout the entire journey...I was hoping he'd pass out), I pull into a depot to unload some cargo. Now, we have a washroom in the depot as well as one on the bus. I come out of the depot to see Ted peeing on the side of my bus. "Okay, that's it! I'm sorry sir but this behaviour stops now. You can catch the next bus, I will not have you on mine any longer" I tell him. "Oh, but please, I only need to go two more stops. I'm so sorry, I won't say anything else." he says. "Fine, but if I hear so much as a peep out of you, you're going to be kicked off this bus so fast you won't know what hit you." I reply.

Approximately four blocks later, I stop rather abruptly for a red light. "Oh, man. I've got whiplash. Stupid, fuckin' women drivers. Go back to the kitchen where you belong. I'm suing you!" he rants. I calmly pull the bus over and tell him "Hey buddy, we're having a smoke break" "YES!!" he replies as he goes to make his way off the bus. "Why don't you take your stuff with you?" I ask. He complies. As soon as he's off the bus with his luggage, I shut the doors and pull away with the entire bus applauding my actions.